Wizarding World Wanderings
by LJ Summers
Summary: A collection of really random drabbles from the world of Harry Potter. AU, almost certainly. Some of these were posted on my fan ficking tumblr account and they likely aren't stories as much as they are . . . flights into the land of weird stuff. All of it is the intellectual property of J.K. Rowling, who lets us play in her sandbox. Enter this corner of it at your own risk.
1. Green Eyes

_**A/N:** First up, this one. I blame **ShayaLonnie** for this and she has accepted blame publicly on Tumblr. Really. _

_Not currently going anywhere, but it was in my head and I had to do something with it..._

* * *

 **GREEN EYES**

"Padfoot. You can't be serious. Look, you found that thing how long ago?"

Sirius Black eyed James Potter with a most _serious_ smirk. "I am _always_ serious. You berk. And I found it when I emptied my trunk at your place. I've just been keeping a lid on it all year since then." Then, he pursed his lips and held the Time-Turner up to the sun, so that misty golden rays seemed to surround it that spring morning in Scotland. "I'm pretty sure it's older than Arcturus, even. Hell, Prongs, it could be enchanted! Have you ever used one of these before?"

James rubbed at his left eyebrow in a nervous gesture he had. "No. C'mon, Padfoot," he said in a pleading manner, "you can't. McGonagall'll have your head. You'll be like Headless Nick, doomed to haunt the halls of Hogwarts for an eternity."

"Even better! It'd be the best Marauder prank of our lives."

James snatched the Time-Turner from him. "No. No suicide. I know your life's been shite, but you're a Potter now, and we don't do stupid things."

Sirius lifted one black brow. "Oh really?"

"Shut it. You know what I mean."

 _Accio Time-Turner_ , Sirius commanded.

"Sirius! That was wordless! And wandless!"

"I know." He grinned. "So I'm going. C'mon. I'll be back soon. With gossip." He leapt from James's endeavor at Time-Turner confiscation and turned the key on the small, magical device. "Watch out for Moony for me!"

* * *

The first thing Sirius Black felt was the impact of a snowball on his bare head. "Hey!"

Still, it was obviously winter so his discomfort was buried under a wave of pride and glee. _I made it! But when am I?_

A wand was in his face before he could get his bearings. "Who are you and how'd you get here?" The girl's green eyes were implacable—and frighteningly familiar. Her accent rolled with the Scots burr. White sparks flew from the tip of her wand and he held up empty hands—his wand being in a wrist holster, courtesy of the Potters. "Well? Answer me?"

"I'm, er, not sure where here is," he temporized, smiling at the witch. She wore black robes similar to those he'd seen in old class photos. A Head Girl badge was on her left breast and her hair was chestnut brown under a black witch's hat. Her lips thinned as she nudged him with the tip of her wand. "Oh, the robes? Well, of course. Hogwarts, right?" He grinned again, amazed that it was her. Her. He'd had his first _interesting_ dreams about her, mad as it was, when he'd been a second year at school. Not her fault. Not his, either, but it was amazing to see her near his own age.

"Ye're no a student in my school," Minerva McGonagall, Head Girl 1953-1954 declared with the definitive tone of a woman who knew herself to be always in the right in all things. "Come. We'll see the Headmaster."

"Is Albus Dumbledore the Headmaster?"

Her eyes, so clear, so beguiling, widened in obvious surprise. "No! He's the Transfiguration Professor, I'll have you know. Headmaster indeed." She sniffed and prodded him to accompany her. "Mignonette! I have to handle this. You see to getting the rest in and warm!"

"Of course, Minerva!"

Sirius turned to find the speaker—she sounded familiar—and noticed that he'd inadvertently appeared in the middle of a snowball fight. The girl who'd spoken grinned widely and tossed a large snowball into the air, levitating it until it hovered over Sirius's own head.

He was still trying to figure out where he knew her from, though, so he didn't heed the oncoming snowfall until it broke over his head.

Minerva eyed him, her lips twitching as he shook his head much as Padfoot would do. Then, the Head Girl threw back her head and laughed.

Sirius felt as if he'd been hit with a Stunner. _Merlin. Minerva McGonagall is so hot!_

* * *

 _A/N: See, not too scary. No squicking, okay? Squicking can come...in the next one. Yeah. You have been warned..._


	2. Grooming

_A/N: For **Colubrina** , **Shayalonnie** , **Paper-lily** and anyone else on Tumblr who seemed to give in to the shudders at the mere idea of Snapedore/Alverus_

 _Because I can't resist a challenge on occasion… And now, before I delete this whole thing…get your brain bleach before you leave!_

 _NOTE: Nothing explicit happens. BUT this not what I'd call a healthy thing. _

* * *

**GROOMING**

Albus steepled his fingers before his nose and studied the young man in his office. It was something of a secret appointment—sure to titillate Albus even at his best—and as such every sense was operating fully. The scent of Severus's personal grooming potions—rosemary and marjoram, likely to offset the pervasive odors of any potioneer's lot in life—and just the heady offering of a man, any young man, in need and in a _subservient_ position.

He smiled a little, to encourage the lad. Young man. That. "I think we can be of service to one another," he said quietly, confidently. "You can be safe with me. Here at Hogwarts."

Severus cocked his head a little, rubbing one hand over his inner left arm. "Headmaster—"

"Call me Albus, Severus. We'll be colleagues, after all." Another smile, to invite confidentiality. "I have faith that we will do well, together."

Severus's dark eyes widened briefly. "Indeed? But sir, _Albus_ , I—"

Albus leaned forward, taking one of Severus's hands briefly in his own. Establishing comfort in physical contact was important. Gellert had taught him that much. "You've already done us a great service, Severus. We'll do our best for you."

A flare of vulnerability in the younger man's eyes let Albus know he was on the right path.

* * *

"Come, my boy," Albus murmured, gathering up Severus's bleeding body in his arms with a strength belied by age and mere physicality. "I'll get you to a safe house, yes? We'll set you to rights."

Severus shuddered in his arms due to the lingering effects of the Cruciatus Curse. "Albussss. It wasssss, dreadful. I told them only what . . . we agreed." One of his black eyes was bloodshot, but the intelligence behind the look was intact. "And what you said to me."

"It's still true, my boy. My regard for you remains unchanged. Now, hold on." Albus focused on his cabin at the River Esk. Its privacy was paramount just now. They Apparated away, he and Severus, to come bursting back into existence ten yards from the cabin's main door. "Here we are." Severus whimpered and Albus smiled into his face. "You're safe, now."

Within the cottage, the elder wizard set about disrobing his young friend, down to his undergarments. Albus was quite glad for his own robes, for it would not do to distract young Severus from healing. Speaking soothing words, letting his hands linger just a little, here and there, Albus set about healing Severus's body, warming here, cooling there. Dittany was unavoidable, but he did his best to make it quick.

"Oh, Albus, thank you," the young man murmured, his body relaxed on the only bed in the cabin. "So much better." He gripped Albus's hand as he drifted off to sleep.

A dark gleam in his eye, Albus shed his own robes and Levitated them to a hook on the wall. Primitive, perhaps, but for all his enjoyment of glittering garments, the Headmaster was a pragmatist at heart. The Greater Good required Great Planning and Sacrifice. He believed himself due a Great Good of his own, after all he'd done and in light of all he would do.

So he muttered, just in case Severus had any level of alertness, "Well, there's but the one bed," and he slid in next to the younger wizard, diving into the sleeping, damaged psyche of the talented young Potions Master, and making a home for himself, there.

When Severus awoke, some hours later, he was oddly comforted to know he was not alone and nothing in his questioning, angry nature thought to protest. For how could he? Albus Dumbledore was doing his best and Severus had no one else to turn to.

He steeled himself to the circumstances, reflected that a same-sex relationship would be far preferable to the Cruciatus without aftercare, and sighed a little. "Good morning, Albus," he whispered.

"Ah, Severus, my boy." A pause. " _Are_ you?"

"I am."

* * *

 _A/N: I know. I know. I'll try to make the next one more palatable... Maybe even fluffy. Anyone have a request that doesn't involve Hermione? (Because HER drabbles go into the OTHER collection...)_


	3. Teddy's Gift

_**A/N:** Thanks for the suggestions I received from you at the end of the prior installment!_

 _Here we have a quick visit with Teddy Lupin for **mojowitchcraft!**_

* * *

 **TEDDY'S GIFT**

"Pink?" Harry Potter whined. "Ted, c'mon. Pink? Really? She hates pink."

Edward Lupin, formerly known as Teddy but now a less juvenile _Ted_ , rolled his eyes. "She'll totally know I'm doing it for my mum. Dad always says Mum preferred pink."

Harry slid his glasses off and rubbed at the bridge of his nose. "Pink is for girls. You're decidedly not a girl. I'm your godfather. I know these things."

"I'm sixteen, I know I'm not a girl. I like girls," Ted said, briefly morphing his face into an imitation of the great Lothario, Sirius Orion Black. "Like, well, Alora. The new intern in Dad's office."

Harry sighed, but smiled. "It's okay if you don't like girls. But why make your hair pink?"

"Hermione loves research so this is for her. What do you get for the War Heroine who has everything?" Ted had it _bad_ for Hermione Granger, to be sure. So what if she was eighteen years his senior? She was active, magically powerful, and didn't look a day over twenty-five. Besides, no one knew, did they?

His godfather smiled a little. "Fair enough. So you're saying she'll get it?"

"Yeah. I saw a thing, you know? There was an article in a Muggle magazine about, well, sexual identification and the whole blue and pink thing was mentioned. I bet Hermione doesn't know pink was once the color for boys!"

Harry pursed his lips a bit, skeptical but supportive. "Sexual identification? Teddy. _Ted_. You have to know it's okay if you're gay, right? I mean, we'll love you anyway."

" _I'm not gay_ , honest. It just, well, came up, is all. And I bet she'll like learning something new. Best early birthday present I can think of."

Harry let it go with a chuckle and clapped his godson on the shoulder. "Fine. You can show her now. She's just Floo'd in."

And there, in the study of the renovated Potter Estate, Edward Lupin's entire body looked exactly how it would if he weren't a Metamorphmagus: sandy blond hair, green eyes that looked gray in low light, tanned skin, and utterly speechless.

There she was, Hermione Granger, Fantasy Woman of one Edward Lupin, smiling warmly at him before hugging Harry prior to opening her arms to _him_.

Well, Merlin, a man would have to be an idiot not to take that opportunity, right? So, stepped into her embrace, buried his nose in her hair, and stepped back with a grin.

"Ted! Your hair is pink!"

Harry laughed. "It's a gift for you, apparently," he said.

Ted wiggled his eyebrows playfully. "Pink wasn't always for girls!"

He led her in a little question-and-answer session that ended with her demanding to see the _Smithsonian_ magazine he'd referenced. He showed her, his heart pounding with delight that he'd given her new information—useless, but something even Hermione Granger _hadn't_ known—and with the knowledge that he'd impressed her in a very real way.

Two more years, he figured. He had to get out of Hogwarts and then he'd try again. Until then, Ted would endeavor to make sure that Hermione's quota for male companionship was fulfilled between him, his father, and his godfather. It had been working fine so far!

* * *

True story: smithsonianmag arts-culture / when-did-girls-start-wearing-pink - 13 70 097 / ? no-ist


	4. Out and Back

_A/N: I actually started this story days ago, but was interrupted after the first three sentences and by the time I got back to it, I had forgotten entirely where it was going._

 _Then, I remembered._

 _For **pianomouse** , then, here is a moment in the lives of James and Sirius, Hogwarts Years. AU? Maybe?_

* * *

 **OUT and BACK**

"What the bloody hell, mate!?" James shouted, spluttering and trying not to breathe icy water. He flailed, hitting a pair of hairy legs.

Which kicked. "You great bleeding arse!" Sirius said on a growl, shaking his head and sending a veritable fountain of water over the bed.

Remus Lupin kept his wand pointed at the bucket which was suspended over his best friends. "If you'd set yourselves an alarm, this wouldn't have been needful." He Summoned the bucket back, smirking all the while. "So, you two have something to tell ol' Moony? Hm?"

James recovered his wits first. His cheeks flushed, then paled in a dramatic fluctuation of color. "Moo- Moony. It isn't what you think," he blurted, shivering.

Sirius's gray eyes widened with obvious hurt. "It's not?" His voice cracked.

"Hey, guys." Remus sighed loudly and cast a drying charm over the pair. They didn't even appear to notice, as they were staring at one another, surrounded by white sheets, red pillows, and assorted clothes. "I know, all right? Just, er, get yourselves sorted. Mister and Missus Potter will be in here next, if you're not eating breakfast in ten minutes."

He stepped firmly out of the room, leaving the sixteen-year-old boys to sort themselves out.

"I'm sorry. I panicked." Listening shamelessly in the corridor, Remus nodded. James would apologize first to his friends. Build the friendship, maintain the strands that tied them together. Among the Marauders, apologies were easily given as far as James was concerned.

Not so Sirius Black. Remus heard the bed creak and squeak as Sirius leapt off of it. "You. Panicked. I nearly got _Marked_ , _did_ get beaten, was kicked _out_ of my House and family and _you_ panicked. Thanks, James. Thanks a lot."

Remus could hear Sirius's sneering tone approach the door as he finished speaking so the werewolf blocked the canine Animagus with a whispered, " _Colloportus,"_ before he left the two alone for real.

Within the room, James approached Sirius with a careful, contrite expression. "I, I wasn't ready, Padfoot. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to stay here all night. It's not your fault we were caught."

"Prongs." Sirius leaned his forehead on the door, not even trying to get out of the room. "I know. I'm sorry. I'm not, _not_. I know that. I'm, I'm, we're, it's . . ."

"You're my best mate."

"Yeah."

"I, I love _Lily_ , Sirius."

"I know." He snorted. "Everyone knows."

"I love you, I do," James said, settling a tentative hand on his best mate's shoulder. When it wasn't shrugged off, he felt something in his chest relax a little. "But, she's my future."

Sirius turned, then. He didn't dislodge James's hand so much as keep it next to his bare skin. He swallowed, nodded, and studied his best friend's open, honest expression. Pain narrowed the hazel eyes. Pain, but not uncertainty. Sirius nodded again. "Yeah. We're brothers, right?"

James beamed. "Right."

Like a large dog, Sirius shook himself, tail to nose, before stepping away and collecting his clothes from about the room. It took little to send them into the trunk he'd packed the night before. "And incest in the Black family is limited to cousins, not brothers, so."

James laughed too loudly, his relief surfacing even though he knew Sirius was hurting. He had to play it off, had to keep it light, for both their sakes. "Right. Potters as well. No sib-cest."

"Is that even a word?" Sirius tied his hair back with a leather thong before donning Muggle jeans and t-shirt. He _was_ a Blood Traitor, wasn't he?

James wasn't as careless. He did a rapid job dressing, though he didn't bother with his hair. It was hopeless. Meeting Sirius's eyes in the mirror, he asked, "You all right?"

"No, but I will be. Can't lose you, Prongs."

"Hey, there's a girl out there for your future! Gotta be!" He aimed his wand at the door. " _Alohomora_!"

"Doubtful, Prongs. I've been stricken from the Tapestry, remember?" The boys Levitated their school trunks before them as they left Sirius's bedroom.

"Sure there is! Maybe a pretty Muggle girl in a shop!"

Sirius tried to smile, he did, but he felt a splintering within his heart. James Potter was not his future. He knew that going in. But a man did have his dreams, didn't he?

 _I guess I'll have to make some new ones._

Remus, waiting for them at the bottom of the stairs, met each pair of eyes. They'd come back from this, they would. He had to believe it. He had to.


	5. Repercussion

_**A/N:** Rather longer than my usual in this compilation, but I just wrote it in my Tumblr. Like, IN the Tumblr field. Weird. Anyway, so I wrote it out because I had this idea and it kept moving forward. _

_Thanks to everyone on Tumblr who liked and reblogged this ficlet. Not sure what to call it. AU? Yeah? Weird timeline? Yeah. No time travel, though. Just a different, er, arrangement or two..._

* * *

 **REPERCUSSION**

Her heart was racing, pounding, and she felt sick. Yes, sick. _Definitely_ sick. That kind of queasy feeling that she got when she was sure she'd earned a T on her Ancient Runes N.E.W.T.. The kind of feeling she had when her alarm clock decided to die on the morning of her first day as Head Girl and she was sure she was late . . . only to find out it was an entirely different day.

Even though both of those fears had proven unfounded, Lily Evans couldn't slow down the panic that was overtaking her entire body.

"What the bloody hell did I do?" she muttered, still staring at her knees. They were bare, her knees. Bare and a bit red, truth to tell, as if she'd been kneeling for a while the night before.

Or had it been this morning?

And her mouth tasted . . . like arse.

" _Accio_ Pain Relief," she called softly. A small bottle floated to her from her vanity and she willed her hands to stop shaking. She took three swallows and sighed, hoping that the squirrelly feeling in her stomach would go away. For a moment, she calmed and her fingers stopped trembling and her heart slowed a bit.

"That was wandless!"

And there it was, the panic again. "Potter."

She didn't want to look. She couldn't look. She didn't look. She resolutely refused to look at the man in her bed. Her breath came fast and scared.

He chuckled. "Well. I'm glad you know it's me. Wasn't sure, last night."

"Oh, I know it's you. Your . . . blatant _arrogance_ is a dead giveaway."

James Potter shifted on the bed and stared at her. The glorious woman he'd been in love with for years. It was dawning on him that their New Year's Eve celebration, privately welcoming in 1979, had perhaps not been the best idea. But hell, he'd been trying to get a date with her for years and when she'd invited their entire Gryffindor graduating class to her flat for the party, she'd included him, hadn't she?

With the war on, there was little enough to celebrate these days, as it was. And her flat was well warded.

Shite, she performed wandless magic!

To summon Pain Potion. _Shite_. "You all right there, Lily?" He wouldn't call her _Evans_. Not in her bed. Not when she looked so pale and vulnerable.

She took a deep breath and shifted about, her hair falling in a glorious curtain of shining red around her bare shoulders as she tugged the lavender bedsheet to cover herself. Such a graceful movement. So beautiful. He smiled and sighed. Then, she spoke.

"I'm fine. I made choices last night that I shouldn't have made, but I'm fine."

"You were not drunk, Evans," he stated, forgetting his notion not to address her by her surname. "I wouldn't have gone to bed with you if you were. You have to know that."

She cocked one brow at him. "I was not drunk. No. You're honorable, Potter. You wouldn't have taken advantage. I'm just a bit sore." She sighed and tugged at a length of her hair and James didn't even try to suppress his smile at the sight. "I just never considered myself the kind of girl who would do this, you know? We're not even dating."

"But I want to!" he reminded her eagerly.

"I know." She met his eyes at last, though hers were tired and wary. "And I had fun. I did."

He smirked. "I know. I was there."

"Just . . . go, okay? I'm not ready for this. For you. I'm not mad. Not hurt, not wounded. I would just like to pretend this didn't happen."

James gasped in sudden, unexpected pain. "Really, Lily?" He reached for her hair, smoothing it over her head, remembering how it had looked spread out on her pillows hours before. His voice broke a little and he didn't even care. "Just Obliviate myself about it? It was . . . amazing. You, you were amazing."

And there, at last, she smiled a little. "Thank you. You weren't so bad yourself, James. But, I'm . . . not wanting a repeat just now, all right? So go. I'll, er, owl you."

* * *

True to her word, she had sent him notes. He had written to her as well. Nothing as effusive as he might have done as a schoolboy, but they were older, now, and he was fighting in a war and so was she. They met at Order of the Phoenix gatherings, went on missions together with Frank Longbottom or Sirius.

And he dared to think they might maybe be friends, at last. After years of pursuing her.

And then, one morning in March, an owl delivered a note to him just as he was about to Floo in to work.

 ** _James,_**

 ** _I need to see you. As soon as possible._**

 ** _Lily_**

He immediately Apparated himself to Flourish and Blotts, where she was working whilst studying for her Mastery in Charms. Lily was waiting for him, her expression intent but pale, leaning on the counter, one hand placed lightly over her middle.

And he knew, all at once. He knew why she'd written.

Perhaps she saw that knowledge in his expression for she smiled. "Well, I never figured you were thick. So. Well spotted."

His heart soared before crashing as he stepped cautiously toward her. He glanced at her hand again. "Really?"

"Yeah. So, er, I was wondering . . . "

"Marry me. Marry me, Lily Evans." He hardly knew how he dared to ask, given their history, but he did. She smiled at him and he realized that there, _there_ was the smile he'd been waiting his entire life to see. His stomach flipped and he knew that before, before he had only dreamed he had loved her.

But now? Now he knew he really did. "I love you," he whispered in awe. "I really do. Lily. Please. Marry me."

She stepped next to his body and ran her hands up his arms. He remembered that she was a lioness. "I will. As a matter of fact, I was kind of thinking of asking _you_."

He threw back his head in joyful relief before swinging her up into his arms. "You won't regret it. At least not too often. I swear it. Lily Potter. It sounds grand."

* * *

Lily cooed over their baby, nuzzling the thatch of black hair and marveling that someone so perfect, so lovable, had been conceived with a man she hadn't loved, then.

She did now, though. James was rather like a force of nature in terms of loving. He loved her with everything he had and she had opened her arms to take him all into herself. Her heart. Her life.

Their lives, really. There were three Potters, now.

"What are you writing?" she asked her husband as he put his quill away.

"Adding his name and birthdate to the family records. Harry James Potter, born 19 September 1979. I guess that means he won't be going to Hogwarts until 1991."

"Twenty years after we did," Lily supplied.

Her husband crossed the room to her and wrapped long, strong arms around her and their son. "We'll make it safe for him, Lily. I swear it."

She nodded. "We will."

* * *

 _ **End note:** At first, I thought, YAY, no more Prophecy for Harry! And then, later, I realized that September used to be the seventh month, so . . . it is possible that "as the seventh month dies" could also be interpreted as the second half of the seventh month. _

_But then, this would indicate Hermione as well, no?_

 _I might have to revisit this, but not today._


	6. Marau-Nerds: Picking a Name

_**A/N:** I do not remember where or when on Tumblr that I saw the concept of the Marauders being card-carrying nerds. They have a "name" and a secret map and they even have a secret ritual (eventually, when 3/4 of them become animagi and join Remus to help him through the moon). They give each other Club Names and everything. _

_So I started seeing the following, and I'm not sure why I did it in "script"-ish format. That's just how it came out as I composed it in Tumblr. Again. Not sure if the others will go the same way. Others? Well, yeah. I've got this idea..._

* * *

 **MARAU-NERDS: PICKING A NAME**

 **SETTING** : GRYFFINDOR BOYS' DORM. PROBABLY 1973/4?

 **James** : All right, so we are agreed that we need a name?

 **Peter** : _(raises his wand, sketching out a question mark in the air so that it glows)_ I like the idea of a name, but no secret handshakes or passwords, all right? They're just . . .

 **Sirius** : Muggle. They're just Muggle, Petey. I get it.

 **Remus** : _(coughs and stretches a bit, trying to hide his discomfort)_ Erm, I second that, James. It's enough that we're working on the map, right?

 **Sirius** : _(all but bouncing on his bed)_ That's going to be the best thing ever. Filch won't know what hit him.

 **James** : Neither will Snape.

 **Peter** : Hello? So we're agreed? No Muggle handshakes or passwords?

 **James** : Okay. A name for us, but not a password. I vote that we be called The Pirates!

 **Remus** : _(flinches)_ Really, James? That's kind of . . . obvious. How about something Latin? _Magi_?

 **Sirius** : Oi! Remus! That's so . . . you're such a _bookworm_!

 **Remus** : I happen to _like_ doing well during lessons, thank you.

 **Sirius** : I know it. But c'mon! I kick your arse in Transfiguration. So, no Latin.

 _(The other three boys stare at Sirius as if trying to figure out why he thinks that's logical.)_

 **James** : No Latin. I second that.

 **Peter** : Bandits! We can be The Bandits!

 **Sirius** : No, that's too obvious. Let's go for subtle.

 **James** : So, how about The Florists? _(he grins and waves his wand as he speaks)_ It's very subtle, says nothing mischievous and . . .

 **Sirius** : _(laughing fit to bark)_ And it means you get to study your favorite Lily flower! _(pauses while everyone teases James)_ No, I've got the perfect name. We're the Marauders. That's it. It's perfect. And when the map is done, it'll be The Marauders' Map. And we'll go down in _Hogwarts, A History_ as the most amazing pranksters ever! All in favor?

 _(everyone but James is in loud favor)_

 **James** : It's not very subtle.

 **Sirius** : But it _is_ dashing.

 **James** : . . . fine.

 **Peter** : Excellent! I'll write that down.

 **Remus** : Want to celebrate? I, er, got some butterbeer . . .


	7. Marau-Nerds: James is a Real Wizard

_A/N: I imagine James-Showing-Off-for-Lily will be a recurring theme in these Marau-Nerds moments. He thinks he's SO COOL._

* * *

 **MARAU-NERDS: JAMES IS A REAL WIZARD!**

 **SETTING** : Spring, 1974. The Marauders are gallivanting about Hogsmeade, sort-of-but-not-quite-stalking Lily Evans and her friends, who include Severus Snape.

 **James** : Evans! Look! I can balance my wand on my nose!

 _(Peter and Sirius applaud loudly. Remus blushes and watches Lily's friend Mary, whom he has a bit of a crush on that term.)_

 **Lily** : ( _sighs_ ) Potter. Stop, already. You do a great seal impersonation, now stop.

 **Sirius** : ( _stage whispers_ ) Hey, maybe you can make Snivellus disappear!

 **James** : I'll show you! See, Evans? I'm a real wizard! _Abscondet illud ab oculus tuus_!" **(1)** _(directs his wand at Severus Snape, but...)_

 **Remus** : What did you do? Where'd she go?

 **Peter** : Bloody hell, James! You made Evans disappear!

 _(Disembodied scream as Lily Evans starts throwing things from her handbag at James.)_

 **James** : Hey! Sorry! Didn't mean to do that! Evans! Stop! Ow! Enough, already! Ow! Hey!

 **Lily** : Fix this!

 **Remus** : _Finite incantatem_.

 **Lily** ( _re-appears, considerably disheveled_.): Thank you, Remus.

 **James** ; Oh, Evans, you're so pretty when you're worked up like that. Marry me?

 **Lily** : ( _shouts_ ) _Anteoculatia_!

 **Peter** : James! You have horns!

 **Sirius** : Soooo . . . you're _randy_ , now?

 **Remus** : Sirius! Stop! There are _ladies_ present!

 **James** : ( _weaving about as if drunk_ ) Evans! You're, you're amazing.

 **Lily** : Go. _Away_. Come on. Sev, Mary, Alice. Anyone know an Instant Maturing Charm for that toerag?

 **Severus** : I think there's an aging potion, but I doubt it would do _any_ good on the maturity front.

 **Remus** : _Finite Incantatem_.

 **Peter** : Er, it didn't work.

 **Remus** : Shite! I _know_ there's a hex breaker that should work!

 **Sirius** : I've seen one. It looks like a dance. Hey! We could all learn it! Set it to music! It'd be the new fad!

 **James** : ( _groans_ ) Merlin, there he goes again!

* * *

 **(1)** \- Latin for _hide it from your eye_ \- Google Latin translator. Hey, this is fanfic.


	8. Marau-Nerds: Remus and the Map

_**A/N:** I have been wanting to do something with The Map so here's a bit. _

* * *

**MARAU-NERDS: REMUS AND THE MAP**

 **Setting** : _Autumn of 1974, Hogwarts. It's after curfew._

 **Remus** : Cool! That door takes you straight to the faculty lounge! _(dashes off a note on a piece of parchment)_ That means they can go from there to the Library without—

 **Minerva McGonagall** : Mister Lupin! _(she advances on him, wand alight with a bright_ Lumos _charm)_ What do you think you're doing?

 **Remus** : Er, nothing, Professor. _(he makes a nonverbal pass of his hand over his other hand)_ Just, you know, hungry?

 **Minerva** : Oh? Hungry are you? You should stay in our common room and summon a house-elf if you're hungry, Mister Lupin. It's not safe for anyone to wander the corridors in the middle of the night. Alone. _(she looks about)_ You are alone, aren't you? No young Ravenclaw girls about?

 **Remus** : (blushing) No, Professor! Er, not at all. No one. Just, um, exploring, you know?

 **Minerva** : I thought you said you were hungry?

 **Remus** : Right! Hungry! _(aside)_ Where's Sirius when I need a silver tongue?

 **Minerva** : Come with me, Mister Lupin. And five points from Gryffindor.

 **Remus** : Only five? Wow—

 **Minerva** : Only five? From my own house? Do you know how this pains me, Mister Lupin? Shall we make it ten?

 **Remus** : No! Er, no, Professor. Five is more than enough. Yeah. Say, there's the Fat Lady. I'll be fine, you know. I'll, er, call a house-elf when I get inside.

 **Minerva** : _(pauses skeptically)_ All right. Do not let me catch you out here again!

 **Remus** : _(wiping sweat off his forehead as he enters through the portrait hole)_ Shite, that was not cool.

 **James** : _(bouncing off the sofa)_ Did you find that passageway, though?

 **Remus** : I did! And it goes straight to the Library and I think I'm going to ask the house-elves if they can help.

 **James** : _(panicked)_ Merlin, no! They'll have to tell Dumbledore!

 **Remus** : Bloody hell. Well, I want this last bit done before Yule, so we can work on the charms over hols.

 **James** : Evans will be so impressed!

 **Remus** : You can't tell her! She'll probably be a prefect next year and we'll all get detention forever!

 **James** : I can persuade—

 **Remus** : No. You couldn't. Not even on your best day.

 _(they collapse to the sofa and look at Remus's notes)_

 **James** : All right. Where's my cloak? I'll see if that other passage can get us past the One-Eyed Witch!

 **Remus** : Oooh, do you really think we can do that?

 **James** : I do! I heard _(whispers)_ that there's a passage that can lead outside if we can find it. _Hogsmeade_ , Remus.

 **Remus** : Chocolate …

 _(James fishes a chocolate frog from his robes and tosses it to Remus before bounding out of the common room to the dorms.)_


	9. Platform Duty

_A/N: I've wondered about this for a bit and decided to jot down one possible scenario on Tumblr. My Tumblr, by the way, is_ **summerisbittersweet dot tumblr dot com**. _I post pictures, odd thoughts, reblogs, sometimes "chapter pictures" for a work in progress...that sort of thing._

 _So here is a moment in the life of Pomona Sprout, who got stuck on Platform Duty one morning. I have not really edited it from what I jotted down before, so . . . it's just here. lol_

* * *

 **Platform Duty**

"Mum! Did you see what happened? That girl, that one there, with the brown hair and the orange cat?"

"Robin, there is no girl with an orange cat, though I commend your color awareness."

Pomona knew that the girl with the orange "cat" was in fact Hermione Granger, Gryffindor, and the girl had, of course, gone through to the magical side of Platform 9 ¾. Miss Granger was a good girl, to be sure, but it was likely her half-kneazel had distracted her and so …

Pomona surreptitiously drew her wand and made her meandering way toward the far-too-observant Muggle boy.

"No, really, Mum. She just ran right through it! Right here! I'll show you!"

Pomona winced when Molly Weasley bustled up, her brood about her like the Giant Squid's tentacles, flailing about and catching everyone's attention. "Ronnie! Go on, follow your brother!"

Pomona brought herself between Ronald Weasley and Platform 9 ¾ Muggle side. "Wait, Mister Weasley."

"Oi, Professor! Mum said—"

Pomona pushed the third year student aside as the Muggle boy, Robin, made a headlong run straight at the brick wall. Pomona tried, but, short of Apparating, she couldn't outrace the lad and he hit the wall with a solid thunk to his head.

"Merlin!" Pomona muttered, hurrying as fast as she could to the lad's side. His parents were distracted by someone they knew, so she worked quickly.

"Concussion. And that cut, there." Pomona was an Herbologist, but the Healing Arts were a pet interest as well, and she'd helped Poppy often during busy seasons in the Infirmary. She finished with a quick " _Obliviate_ ," and a swish of her wand, all whilst Ronald Weasley gaped at her.

"Professor?" her student whispered.

"Help the Muggle up," Pomona directed. "Ask if he knows how to get to Piccadilly from here."

"Picca-what?"

"Just. Ask." Pomona rolled her eyes. Did boys always have to question directions? "Robin?" she said kindly as she and Ronald Weasley pulled the boy to his feet. "All right there? That bit of the platform's rather unreliable."

"Oi! D'you know how to get to Pick-a-Dilly?" Ronald asked slowly, rubbing at his head. "Lookin' fer it, you know, and I—" His face grew red with the obvious strain of making up a tale.

"Robin? Robin, love, Aunt Cathy wanted to see the tie—oh, hello."

Pomona almost leaned against the wall in her relief as she and her student exchanged glances.

"Oi, Mum! Do you know how to get to Piccadilly?" the boy called, jumping up to see his parents.

"Thank you, Mister Weasley," Pomona said on a breath. "Now get on the train. I'm on Platform Duty 'til you lot are safely away."

As all his siblings had gone before, Ron gave her a crooked smile and dashed off through to Platform 9 ¾ in the Wizarding manner.

"Oh, Mummy! Did you see that? Right here, that boy went right through—"

Pomona groaned quietly and rolled her eyes. "Severus owes me for this."

* * *

 _A/N: I know. I need a new hobby, right?_


	10. Marau-Nerds: Happy Birthday, Lily

_**A/N:** For my very dear friend **Katmom** , whose birthday it is today. A day she is close to sharing with Lily Evans, which inspired me to write it like this._

* * *

 **MARAU-NERDS: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LILY!**

 **SETTING:** _Gryffindor Common Room, January 1977, before breakfast. The Marau-Nerds are diligently decorating the area before Lily comes down for the day. Imagine wands waving, streamers being magically Stuck to walls, light shows appearing in corners, the fire dancing, etc._

 **Remus** : Are you sure this is the right day, James? I saw her friends smuggling a cake up to the dorm _yesterday_.

 **James** : Yes! Has to be. I remember hearing it and every year, you know I do this and she's never once said I was wrong. And you know Evans; she'd tell me, right?

 **Peter** : _(who was in charge of the fire)_ James? Want this to say "Evans" or "Lily"?

 **Sirius** : _(snorts as he transfigures all the throw pillows in the room into the shapes of flowers)_ Try "Delectable Lily Flower".

 **Remus** : "Oh Delectable Lily Flower, Be Mine!"

 **James** : No, Moony. I'll save that for Valentine's Day!

 _(The rest groan.)_

 **Sirius** : I got The Fat Lady to sing Happy Birthday to her. She said she'd ask the other portraits.

 **James** : _(beams)_ Groovy! That's what Muggles say, right? I want today to be a day that Evans will smile about.

 **Peter** : _(shaking his head)_ Careful there, Prongs. Remember what happened before Christmas. That present she thought was a Howler?

 **Sirius** : Oh, that was classic. And your mum's bracelet went everywhere. What were you thinking, Prongs, to give her jewelry when you're not even dating?

 **Remus** : Shhh…I hear the girls.

 _(The boys all hide behind chairs and sofas, save for James, who slips on the Cloak of Invisibility and waits to follow Lily closely as soon as she appears.)_

 **Lily** : How can you girls even think of breakfast? After all that last night? I'll never fit in my jeans again.

 **Mary** : Please, Lily. You'll look smashing in them and you know it. It's not like the boys won't be watching your arse, same as always.

 **Lily** : _(giggling as she appears in the room)_ Yours as well, Mary! Remus hasn't taken his eyes off of it in years!

 **Remus** : _(blushing)_ I'm going to kill Prongs.

 **James** : _(still under the cloak)_ Happy Birthday, Evans!

 _(All the decorations become animated, including the fire which gets a bit carried away in spelling out Lily's name in bright orange flames. Pillows dance at Sirius's command, and Remus sends the streamers to float politely about the room twining near the girls.)_

 **Lily** : _(eyes wide and looking impressed)_ Wow. That's, just. Wow. Amazing work there, Remus. Yes, I heard you. Thank you so much for this.

 **Mary** : Even if you're—

 _(Lily covers Mary's mouth with one hand, muffling her.)_

 **Mary** : If you're really early! _(she smiles brightly and Remus blushes again)_

 **James** : _(dramatically removing the cloak)_ Happy Birthday, Lily! This was all MY idea. They helped, though.

 **Lily** : _(sighs)_ James. Er, thank you.

 **James** : In the Wizarding World, you've come of age, you know. So this is a big day. No more Trace on your wand! You can learn to Apparate, even.

 _(The Marau-Nerds cluster about, smiling and spilling over themselves to share about the wonders of being an unTraceable adult.)_

 **Remus** : _(Pulling Mary aside a bit)_ Mary, what did you mean by being really early? It's not that early out, even if the sun isn't up yet.

 **Mary** : Oh, Remus. _(smiles shyly)_ Lily's birthday was _yesterday_. So this is just really early for her _next_ one, you know?

 **Remus** : Why isn't she telling him that? You know she tells him off at every opportunity. _(frowns)_

 **Mary** : Maybe he's finally getting through to her?

 **Remus** : Merlin! He'll be _impossible_ to live with.

 **Mary** : Don't tell him, okay? She will if she wants him to know.

 **Remus** : On one condition.

 **Mary** : What?

 **Remus** : Come with me to Hogsmeade? ( _blushes again; this has taken him years to manage)_

 **Mary** : Finally!

( _Remus and Mary leave the common room, followed by Peter and Sirius. The latter is making annoying kissy sounds on his way out the door and The Fat Lady breaks into an operatic rendition of Happy Birthday. James offers Lily his arm and, slowly, she takes it.)_

* * *

 _A/N: Never fear, the Marau-Nerds are still nerds. I just wanted to be NICE for Katmom. :)_


	11. Marau-Nerds: Valentines

A/N: So, I wanted to do something MarauNerdish for today, but everything I tried went flat. I typed out "Valentines" on the top of an empty page and this happened.

* * *

 **Valentines**

 _ **14 February 1976**_

 **I've got the Map**

 **You've got the Cloak**

 **We're just missing some Birds**

 **For some lonely old Blokes.**

 _Sirius_

. . . .

 **Lilies are white**

 **They shine like the moon.**

 **I hope that you'll let me**

 **Kiss you sometime soon!**

 _James_

. . . .

I can't ever find the words I want

To tell you how I feel.

I hope that in a Valentine

I use words that will appeal.

.

"Be mine" is so inadequate

"I'm yours" a nearer hit.

I hope that you DO like me!

More than a little bit.

.

Meet me in our special place,

We're not Restricted there.

I'll bring all kinds of sustenance

You bring your visage fair.

 _Remus_

. . . .

 **Roses, dear Lily Flower**

 **Mean nothing to me.**

 **All I want**

 **Is a KISS from THEE!**

 _James_

. . . .

 _Oh, Sirius, I have in mind to play_

 _A prank most excellent today._

 _Meet me in the Common Room_

 _Bring a pillow, I'll have a broom._

.

 _Don't say anything_

 _Don't give us away._

 _Just do this for me today?_

 _Then maybe, maybe, he'll_

 _GO_

 _AWAY!_

 ** _Lily_**

* * *

 **To: Moony, Padfoot, & Prongs:**

Someone left a box of chocolates in front of the door of our dorm and they taste fantastic!

And I really, really want to shag Melisande MacAvoy in Hufflepuff. Do you think she'll go out with me?

You really need to have some of these chocolates. They're amazing.

 _Wormtail_

. . . .

 _Dear M -_

 _I have to cancel. Peter got potioned via some chocolates. Maybe next week?_

 _R_

. . . .

 **Liliest of Flowers -**

 **Yeah, so no, it's me. We're taking Pete to the Infirmary. Someone spiked his Valentine's chocolates.**

 **Like the broom idea. Maybe next week?**

 **Of course I'm always,**

 ** _Sirius_**


	12. Do They Work?

_A/N: I posted this on Tumblr, having been inspired by a graphic on Pinterest: Pin # 7 203 649 028 669 521 56 . Or you can go to my tumblr at **summerisbittersweet at tumblr dot com** and scroll down and around until you find the graphic that has Hermione and Harry on the Hogwarts Express. My thanks to everyone who liked and reblogged this bit of weirdness. And my thanks to the originator of the inspirational pin on Pinterest._

* * *

 **Do They Work?**

Hermione Granger, Muggleborn witch, found her way to Diagon Alley within a week after McGonagall left. She introduced herself with all necessary precociousness to Ollivander, got a wand, and proceeded to explore this amazing new world in which she found herself.

And she found a book. It appeared to be a children's book. _The Tales of Beedle the Bard_. She thought it would be useful to know what her schoolmates would have as literature. After all, she supposed they hadn't read Beatrix Potter's works, nor Lewis Carroll, had they? Would the world of magic be acquainted with Tolkien? Narnia?

In this book she found reference of Unforgivable Curses. She practiced saying them in her head, but not aloud, for they were Unforgivable.

But amongst the Wizarding people, and on the train, she felt compelled to prove herself - to show that yes, she did belong.

"I read _Beedle the Bard_ ," she remarked casually.

"Oh?" the bespectacled boy across from her asked. "Were there spells in there? I've only just got my wand. Do they work?"

And … the rest is history.

Due to her age and utter ignorance of the Magical world, Hermione Granger was not sent to Azkaban, but her magic was bound and she and her parents Obliviated.

This is, according to _Hogwarts, a History_ , the only time a Muggleborn ever tried an Unforgivable before taking even one class at Hogwarts.

Harry Potter, who survived the curse—again—found that the scar on his forehead was much paler than it had been, and when this was (years later) reported to Headmaster Albus Dumbledore, Hermione Granger was considered something of a minor hero in the Second Blood Purity War.

 **-OOO-ooo-OOO-**

 ** _*Footnote_** _: Hermione Granger, as of the publication of this edition of_ ** _Hogwarts, a History_** _, is still ignorant of the Wizarding world. She is a barrister in England, known for her reasoned legal opinions._


	13. Marau-Nerds: Summer Serenade

_**A/N:** Written on my Tumblr yesterday for **shaya** **lonnie's** smile._

* * *

 **MARAU-NERDS: SUMMER SERENADE**

 **SETTING:** _Cokesworth, Summer 1976, Evans' House_

 **James** : Shhh, Petey, don't drop the guitar!

 **Peter** : _(cringing)_ I'm trying, James. it's just so . . . clunky. Are all Muggle instruments like this?

 **Sirius** : Just because it's bigger than your wand is no need to whine, Wormtail.

 **Remus** : Bragging about your _wand_ again, Pads?

 **Sirius** : _(struts even standing still)_ I don't have to. I let others do it for me.

 **James** : Enough! I don't know which window is hers!

 _Remus and Sirius focus, bringing their canine and lupine senses to bear on the situation._

 **Remus** : That one, I think. The one with the golden ribbons tying back the drapes on the window. Pads?

 **Sirius** : Yeah, I'm with Moony on this one.

James: _(pushes glasses up the bridge of his nose and reclaims the guitar from Peter)_ All right then. _(taps foot and nods to the other Marauders)_

 **Peter** : Wait! You need your glasses to look like the Muggle singer. What's his name? John Elton?

 **Sirius** : Elton John! Here, let me . . . _(He frowns and points his wand at James's glasses, transfiguring the frames to something wild and purple with one weird angle)_ Perfect! What do you think, Moony?

 **Remus** : _(distracted, studying the house)_ Yeah, Pads. Just like John Elton's.

 **James** : Elton John! C'mon, mate, think!

 **Remus** : Sorry, Prongs. All right, I see her moving, so you better start before someone comes out to wonder what four blokes are doing lurking under a window.

 **James** : Right! "Don't go breaking my heart."

 **Sirius** : "I couldn't if I tried!"

 _(James sings Elton's lines, Sirius, Kiki Dee's. Peter is trying best to be supportive and Remus is on lookout. Then, a car pulls up and a door slams and Remus inhales deeply.)_

 **Remus** : Guys! Shhh!

 **Sirius** : "I was your clown..."

 **Lily** : What the bloody hell is going on out here? _(she appears, brandishing her wand)_

 **Petunia** : _(throwing open the window under which they were singing)_ What are you lot doing? Hooligans!

 **Peter** : You were singing to Lily's _sister_ , Prongs!

 **Lily** : Potter! How dare you? _(she splutters for two incoherent minutes whilst the boys all stare, desperately embarrassed)_ If I ever see you here again, you will wish the boy's dorm was in the Black Lake!

 **Peter** : Sorry, Lily. Er, won't happen again!

 **James** : Speak for yourself, Pete! Lily, I thought we were singing to you!

 **Remus** : We? _I_ wasn't singing, Lily. Wizard's honor.

 **Lily** : _(looking upset)_ Hush with the wizard stuff!

 **Petunia** : Enough! (Water falls on all of them and they scatter, though Sirius is still singing at the top of his lungs.) Lily! Who were those boys?

 **Lily** : _(sighs_ ) Boys from school, Petunia.

* * *

 _Note: Song referenced is "Don't Go Breaking My Heart, recorded by Elton John and Kiki Dee. According to Google, it came out in June, 1976._


	14. Marau-Nerds: Remus is a WHAT?

_**A/N:** Posted this in two parts on Tumblr yesterday, as it was written in two parts on Tumblr yesterday. The Marau-Nerds pieces always seem to happen like that, likely spurred by something I saw, er, on Tumblr..._

 _My thanks to everyone who "liked" and "reblogged" either or both of the posts on Tumblr! Today, I'm posting it all in this one bit._

* * *

 **MARAU-NERDS: REMUS IS A _WHAT_?**

 **SETTING: Breakfast hour, Hogwarts Infirmary, Spring of 1973**

 _(Madam Pomfrey has fed the second year Gryffindor under her care and has retreated to her office. There is a faint sound of shuffling feet that crosses the Infirmary floor to the side of Remus Lupin's bed.)_

 ** _Sirius_** : He didn't get that way from visiting his mum, I don't care how sick she is.

 ** _Peter_** : What if she is, like, not in her right mind?

 ** _James_** : _(all still under the Invisibility Cloak - because Mr. Potter the Elder gave it to his son too early as well)_ Missus Lupin can't be mad, Pete. Remus would've said.

 ** _Sirius_** : _(snorts)_ Not everyone's a Black. _My_ family IS mad, but Remus is more private. But, Merlin. Look at those bandages. He's been hurt. D'you think … _(winces in deep worry and fear)_ D'you think his folks might be doing this?

 ** _James_** : _(rips off Cloak and the boys stand visible next to Remus, who is stirring restlessly from a pained sleep)_. Bloody hell. If they are,we need to—we should tell Dumbledore!

 ** _Remus_** : _(opens one eye)_ Go 'way. What're you lot doin' here?

 ** _Peter_** : Remus! You need to tell the Headmaster if you're being hurt!

 ** _Remus_** : _(moans_ ) Not being hurt. No one's hurting me. Just me. Go 'way.

 ** _Peter_** : _(turns to his best friends, whispers)_ D'you think he was attacked? Like maybe on his way back to the castle? It was a full moon last night, y'know. Maybe there was a … werewolf! Oh, shit, Remus! Were you bitten by a werewolf?

 _(silence)_

 _(more silence as the boys stare at their wounded roommate)_

 _(more silence as Remus stares back)_

 ** _James_** : Merlin. Remus? _(goes all pale)_

 ** _Sirius_** : _(swallows hard)_ Mate? Is that what?

 ** _Peter_** : _(trying hard to be brave, extends a hand to brush Remus's foot under the sheets)_ That would be utter shite, Remus. Is that it? Is that why you go away?

 ** _Remus_** : _(tears in his eyes but too weak to wipe them away)_ Go. Away.

 ** _James_** : No. We're friends. We've been friends since we got here, yeah? You're still … you.

 ** _Sirius_** : _(rallies)_ Right-o, mate. Just, you know, give us a bit to get used to your, er …

 ** _Peter_** : Your furry problem? _(He smiles nervously.)_

 _(Remus snorts.)_

* * *

 **SETTING: Second Year Boys' Dorm, Gryffindor Tower, just before lunch.**

 ** _Peter_** : What? It is a problem and it's because he has fur, what? _(huffs)_

 ** _James_** : It's not funny, Petey. It's not. It's bloody serious.

 ** _Sirius_** : I'm not bleeding and I'm Sirius.

 ** _James and Peter_ :** Put a sock in it!

 ** _Sirius_** : _(a bit offended)_ Well, what're we going to do? Dumbledore must know, right? He let him come here to school. And Pomfrey knows, so it's not like he'll get in trouble.

 ** _James_** : ( _brooding)_ No, but it's a secret. We should read about being a werewolf, yeah? Find out what he's doing to himself.

 ** _Peter_** : Shite, yeah. How's he getting so cut up and all?

 ** _Sirius_** : We could find out where he goes! Maybe, um, we could see if we could do a _Petrificus Totalis_ on him so he won't hurt himself!

 ** _James_** : Hm. Would that work on a werewolf? We need to find out.

 ** _Sirius_** : _(turns to the mirror to fluff out his hair)_ Well, if it didn't, it'd be an adventure anyway.

 ** _Peter_** : _(rolls eyes)_ Be serious! No! _Don't_ say it! _(he grins anyway)_

 ** _James_** : You know, we can't just let him do this to himself. Get so hurt. I mean, no one should have to get hurt like that.

 ** _Sirius_** : _(fidgets uncomfortably, tracing a scar from winter hols)_ You're right, mate. No one should. So we'll find a spell, maybe, that'll keep him safe.

 ** _Peter_** : Oooh! If we do, maybe we'll be famous, what? Maybe there's a potion or charm or something! ( _tucks in his shirt before heading to the door to go down to lunch)_ You know, Evans's friend Severus Snape is quite smart with potions. Maybe he'd—

 _ **James and Sirius** :_ NO, Pete!

 ** _Sirius_** : We can't tell a soul, understand? Wands out.

 _(James and Peter cluster together with Sirius, wands up.)_

 ** _Sirius_** : I swear on my magic not to reveal that Remus Lupin is a werewolf … until he says it's all right that people know. _(wand glows white at the tip)_

 ** _Peter_** : D'you think he'll ever let us tell? I mean, what if he needs help?

 _James_ : _(claps free hand on Peter's shoulder)_ We'll figure out how to help him. We just have to find out how. I swear on my magic not to reveal that Remus Lupin is a werewolf until he says it's all right that people know. _(wand glows)_

 _(Both boys look at Peter, who is frowning thoughtfully.)_

 ** _Peter_** : Are you sure we can help him without help? ( _James and Sirius try to look disdainful and confident at the same time; it doesn't come off very well but Peter doesn't want to go against them.)_ All right. I swear on my magic not to reveal that Remus Lupin is a werewolf until he says it's all right that people know. _(wand glows)_

 ** _James_** : _(blows out a breath)_ Right, then. We should also learn healing spells.

 ** _Sirius_** : _(grimaces)_ I know some. I'll teach you.

 _(Door opens and Remus enters, tired and wan.)_

 ** _Remus_** : _(Stands uncertainly, staring at his friends and trying to be casual)_ Oi, you lot still here? I smelt pork schnitzel in the Great Hall. Are, er, we going down together?

 ** _James_** : O'course, mate!

 ** _Peter_** : Wouldn't miss it!

 ** _Sirius_** : Like we _wouldn't_ all go down together?

 ** _Remus_** : _(smiles slowly)_ Seriously?

 _(Sirius grins and the other groan loudly.)_


	15. Marau-Nerds: Just Kidding!

_**A/N** : Written this morning on Tumblr in honor of **Calebski's** birthday!_

* * *

 **MARAU-NERDS: JUST KIDDING!**

 **SETTING: SPRING, 1976. HOGWARTS GROUNDS**

 _It's just coming over dawn, and the Marauders had been with Remus for the full moon. Then, they'd succumbed to a bit of daring and headed to the Forbidden Forest after Remus fell asleep._

* * *

 **Sirius** : _(spinning around)_ Did I change my tail?

 **Peter** : Stop spinning. I can't make sure you're all human again if you don't stop spinning. _(puts hands on head, as if he's dizzy)_

 **Sirius** : There. Better?

 **Peter** : Lovely. No more fur.

 **Sirius** : Fine, then quit staring at my arse, yeah? ( _tosses his hair_ ) I know, I know, it's hard but …

 **Peter** : Sod off, Sirius. Your arse isn't nearly as fine as … _(looks mischievous and shares a wink with Sirius)_ _as Evans's bum_!

 **James** : _(staggering out of the shades of the Forest)_ Oi! Never you mind Evans's bum! You lot keep your eyes off her bum.

 **Sirius** : What about her— _(mimes a female hourglass form)_

 **James** : No! Just, just don't look at her at all, yeah? _(still a bit unsteady on his pins)_

 **Peter** : _(sniggering)_ Well, might be hard, you know. She's my partner in Defense this week. Don't want me casting blind, do we? Wordless is hard enough, yeah?

 **James** : _(by this time fully upright and no longer staggering)_ Fine. Just … you know.

 **Sirius** : Er, Prongs?

 **James** : What?

 **Sirius** : You're horny, mate.

 **James** : _(adjusts himself)_ Can't help it. I mean, she's always in my mind, you know, and …

 **Peter** : _(snickers)_ Erm, not what he meant, Prongs. You've got _horns_.

 **Sirius** : Shite! There's Lily! _(points in the direction of the castle)_ Better put those away, Prongs old boy.

 **Peter** : _(Playing along and pretending to help whilst nicking James's glasses)_ C'mon, Prongs. I got my ears away. Padfoot lost his tail. Lose the rack!

 **James** : Shite, no, she can't, I mean, no. Help? _(looks distressed and moves to cover his head instinctively.)_ No, these are, no! Padfoot! Help me! She can't see me like this!

 **Sirius** : She's knows you've carried that, er, _torch_ for her forever, Prongs.

 **James** : Not that! These!

 **Peter** : _(Sighs. Exchanges a look with Sirius.)_ Just taking the piss, Prongs. She's not there.

 **James** : Where are my glasses?

 **Peter** : Here.

 **Sirius** : But, you know, she could've been. Gotta work on those horns.

 **James** : _(screws up his face in concentration)_ Better?

 **Sirius** and **Peter** : Yeah.

 **Peter** : C'mon. I'm starved.

 **Sirius** : So am I. Prongs?

 **James** : _(still a bit distressed)_ What if she'd really been there? D'you think she'd like that we're Animagi? D'you think she'd like that I'm a stag or would she think _Prongs_ was a toerag as well?

 **Sirius** : _(wraps an arm over his shoulder)_ We could show her, maybe. Show her our forms? I mean, she'd be impressed, Evans would. _(struts a bit as they get closer to the castle)_ Not too many wizards could become Animagi as young as we are, you know.

 **Peter** : D'you think Mary would be impressed? I could … well, maybe not.

 **James** : I'll think on it. I wouldn't want to frighten her.

 **Sirius** : _(snorts)_ That one? Hardly. Your Evans won't scare so easy, Prongs. After all, she's put up with you for years!


	16. Marau-Nerds: Lily Meets the Animagi

**For shayalonnie**

* * *

 **MARAU-NERDS: LILY MEETS THE ANIMAGI**

 ** _Setting_** _:_ ** _Spring, 1977, Hogwarts Grounds near the Forbidden Forest._**

 _Lily is taking a break during her revising for end of term exams. The weather is oddly perfect that day, and she wondered if, maybe, a certain Gryffindor Quidditch player might be flying in the clear skies..._

 _A big dog wanders up and_ _Lily settles next to it on the grass._

* * *

 **Lily** : Oh, wow. What a gorgeous boy you are. You _are_ a boy, right? _(she rubs the big black dog with both hands, nuzzling its head and checking surreptitiously below to see if the animal was male or female)_ Ah, yes. Well, aren't you handsome? _(she scratches his back and he licks her face repeatedly)_ Hey, hey, handsome! Stop that!

 _(A commotion arises deeper in the Forbidden Forest and a stag peeks out from the shadows, blowing air through its nose.)_

 **Lily** : Magic is amazing. Nice rack there, sir. Bambi? Bambi's father, maybe? Are you the prince of the wood or the king, I wonder? _(she rises slowly to her feet and the stag takes two tentative steps toward her)_ I promise, I'm not a hunter, Bambi. Won't do a thing. You're another handsome fellow, you know. _(soft, embarrassed laugh)_ Listen to me, sitting here chatting up a couple of animals.

 _(A rat scurries by, sniffs at her curiously, but she only kicks it away quickly.)_

 **Lily** : Ew. No. _(makes gentling gestures toward the dog and the stag)_ Sorry, lads. Gentlemen? Can a dog even _be_ a gentleman? I won't kick you, I promise.

 **Remus** : _(valiantly maintaining a straight face)_ Lily? What are you on about out here so close to the Forbidden Forest? Aren't you supposed to keep your nose clean? Head Girl could be you, next year, you know.

 **Lily** : Hush, Remus. Look. A dog and stag came out of the forest. Aren't they handsome? And so tame and well behaved. The dog let me rub him all over and everything. Never once did anything but lick me.

 **Remus** : _(chokes, tries not to laugh, fails when the dog barks happily and rolls about on the grass whilst the stag snorts and gouges at the ground with his hooves)_ Sorry. But. Lily. They're—

 **Lily** : Magic! I _know_. I _am_ learning, Remus Lupin, even though I'm Muggle-born.

 **Remus** : No, I mean, yes they are but, _Prongs, no!_

 _(The shout is ineffective as the stag lunges toward the dog, who yelps and runs as the stag charges, antlers down.)_

 **Lily** : Bambi! No! Stop! _(she jumps in front of the dog, trying to protect it with her body and the stag pulls up short, morphing into James Potter as the dog turns back into Sirius Black)_

 **Remus** : _(has fallen down, he's laughing so hard, tears pouring from his eyes)_ I . . . don't . . . have . . . Merlin! _(wheezes, laughs, coughs)_ Lily, are you all right?

 **Sirius** : Scratch my back any time, Evans. _(smirks and blows a kiss at her)_

 **James** : You will keep your tongue _off_ of her for the rest of your life, Padfoot!

 **Lily** : _(speechless, stands gaping at the boys)_

 **James** : Evans? You all right? _(he approaches her, hand out as if to assure her he was harmless)_ Animagi, Evans. All of us, really.

 **Lily** : A _dog_ , Black? Honestly. That is so . . . _typical_! And what the hell, Potter? Those antlers . . . you're _such_ a show-off! _(brushes herself off and tosses her hair)_ Remus?

 **Remus** : _(gets all serious)_ Not today, Evans.

 **Sirius** : Just don't . . . _(grimaces and meets James's eyes)_ don't tell anyone, right?

 **James** : We'd be in _so much_ trouble.

 **Lily** : _(sniffs)_ As if I should care? _(she wipes at her face before conjuring a flannel and bringing forth water from her wand)_ Ugh! _(she studies the young men and, at length, sighs)_ Fine. I won't tell. But never, _ever_ , kiss me again, Sirius Black!

 _(James attacks Sirius again, and this time Lily doesn't interrupt them. Instead, she flounces back to the castle. After taking about twenty steps, though, she turns around and Banishes the boys' clothes into the forest. They shout and swear._

 _Her grin as she enters the castle is vastly smug.)_

 **Peter** : _(running out from the Forest_ ) Oi! Did you see what she did? She kicked me! Cor! Why are you all bare-arsed?


	17. Does He Get a Happy Ending?

_A/N: You know me, I don't plan this stuff. I woke up and remembered it was Harry Potter's 38th birthday, today. And **J.K. Rowling** 's, as well! So, I had to write a birthday shot and this is what happened._

 _There is no plot. It is here in WWW because I didn't have another home for it. And now, back to the actual Epilogue—the story, that is—that I hope to post on Friday._

* * *

 **Does He Get a Happy Ending?**

Pairing: Well, if you read 'til the end... Shhh!

Rating: T for Ron's Participle

Setting: Someplace in Wizarding Britain

 **. . . .**

"So this is my happily ever after?" Harry inquired, wincing under the hands on his bare back. "They do _not_ put this in the story books. And I swear by Merlin's beard it wasn't in the latest version of _Blood Wars_ , either." He made a graveled, grunting sort of sound as the hands started a medium-to-heavy tattoo up and down either side of his spine. Not a cool _ink_ tattoo, no. That would have been too sweet. No, the tattoo was the kind the old books talked about. More like Harry Potter was a percussion instrument. The Man Who Got Man _hand_ led.

"Shut yer gob," Ron Weasley said in between groans of undoubted pleasure. "This is the best thing that's happened since the twins were born."

"Which set?" Harry muttered, wincing when the masseuse dug her fingers into a muscle. "Yours or mine?"

"Oh, yours, of course. After all, this is your happy ending, yeah?" With a sigh, Ron grinned up at the woman working on him. "You know who we are, eh?"

"Yes, Mister Weasley. Two thirds of the Golden Trio," the woman said with a tolerant smile. "Here to experience, your missing partner said when she made the reservation, a proper happy ending."

 _Thought a happy ending like_ that _meant_ sex, Harry thought, but he wouldn't say that out loud. Not to a stranger. And the woman turning his back into porridge was definitely not a friend. Nor would she ever be. "Don't suppose she booked a session for herself?"

"Miss Granger? No. She said, when she spoke to me, that she was not in need of a massage. She would rather go on holiday to a private island."

"Yeah?" Ron asked, turning over whilst keeping a modesty towel over his bits. "Did she say who she wanted to go with?"

The masseuse hemmed and hawed a bit, but Harry was just glad she had quit pounding on him. "I think she said something about shaking a spear? Bill Something?"

"Bill?" Ron said, gasping in shock. "Harry! Did you hear? What the bloody hell! What about Fleur? Breaking up a marriage, an island is where she wants to go?" The irate man rolled off the table, uncaring for the nonce about his dangling participle.

Harry, who would't have recognized an actual participle if it stared him in the face rather like Ron's freckled arse was doing, held up a hand. "Wait, Ron, wait. First, mate, calm down." He resisted the urge to laugh; Ron was only thinking of the moral and marital sanctity of his eldest brother and Harry was sure he didn't really mean to imply that Bill and Hermione were having an affair behind everyone's backs. "I'm pretty sure that Hermione is not carrying on with Bill. Or anyone else, either. She mentioned years ago that she wasn't going to get seriously involved with anyone else ever again."

"But Bill?"

Harry motioned to the masseuse that he was done—hell, he was overdone—before carefully sitting upright. The other masseuse tossed him Ron's forgotten towel and the women murmured something about leaving the men alone to get dressed.

"Hermione was referring to William Shakespeare, Ron. A Muggle playwright. Author," he added when Ron dragged one hand through his hair in visible confusion.

"So she's having an affair with a Muggle?"

"No, she likely just meant she'd like to escape to Black Island, which Sirius left me, and get away for a week on her own to read. Or maybe swim."

"She's _on_ her own. No twins!" Ron laughed and turned about to find his robes so he could leave the room. "Lives alone, too. Why go off to Black Island?"

Harry shook his head. "Because it's a nice getaway and no one can get there unless I or my heirs make a Portkey for it?"

Ron grinned. "Fair point." He stretched and pulled out his wand to Summon his boots. "All right then, mate. What's next on your birthday? Do you get a _real_ happy ending?"

Harry smiled and rolled his shoulders, surprised and gratified to find that they were relaxed. "Well, I feel pretty good right now, actually."

"I happen to know," Ron said with admirable slyness, "that there's at least one woman out there who is wanting you to have a real _happy_ ending." He clapped a hand on Harry's shoulder. "I know you deserve one. No one more."

The men paused, giving honor to the dead. Ginny had been gone for fifteen years after a fall from a broom and her memory was warm but not as painful as it had been, and all the Weasley family made sure that the twins—Sirius and Remus—heard about the love their mother and father had shared. Harry had a pensieve the twins accessed regularly, even.

Ron, also the father of twins—girls, which was the cause for no end of amusement for the family—had a wife to get back to that day before the Big Birthday Party that Hermione never failed to throw for her best friend. Ron blew out a breath and took in another one before smiling once more. "So, yeah. Come on. She's waiting."

"Who's waiting?"

"The girl!"

"No, you are not setting me up again, Ronald."

Laughing, Ron chivvied him out of the Matilda's Magical Massage. "It's not a new bird who's dying to ride your broom, mate. It's an old friend. She just said it was time for tea."

"Time for tea indeed. I'll hex you until next year. _And_ your daughters. Lavender will _thank_ me."

"We're meeting up at Fortescue's old place."

"What? But what about the boys? Did Hermione try to plan another surprise? Not after that one five years ago."

"The boys are nearly adult wizards, Harry. And Hermione made me promise not to tell you what she's up to," Ron said, leading Harry to the Apparition Point. "The Minister of Magic has one or two things to do today and your sons are helping her, which is why your party isn't until tonight. She approves of tea, though."

Just then, Hermione's Patronus, the shiny silver otter, emerged in the air before them. "Harry! You will go to tea or I'll know the reason why!"

"Scary, she is," Ron murmured.

"Don't we know it. Fine. I'll go. Tea."

Ron took control of the Side-Along Apparition maneuver and the next thing Harry knew, he was catching his breath and staring into a pair of pale blue eyes. Familiar eyes.

"Hullo, Harry! Happy birthday! So glad you came for tea. I've been waiting."

For some reason, the curl to the woman's voice made Harry blush just a little. "Luna, hello. Thank you for inviting me. It's rather a surprise."

She smiled in her old way, in the way she had before the war. In the way she had when they'd visited with the thestrals, long years ago. "Well, it's time to start your epilogue, you know. Your happily ever after." Solemn, then, she took one of his hands in one of hers. "You're fortunate, after all. You get two."

Harry barely noticed Ron take his leave with a wink and a smile, so occupied was he in following Luna to the only table in the ice cream shop. "Party for two?" he asked with half a laugh.

"Today, yes. Tomorrow, maybe four. How's your back?" she asked seemingly out of nowhere before moving to stand behind him and rub her hands along his shoulders with shocking familiarity. "Hmm, a little tense, there, Harry. Want some help?" She slid around to stand in front of him, her smile shadowed but sincere. "I promise you a happy ending."

And, for the first time in a long time, Harry thought he might just believe in the old stories.


End file.
